Bye Co-sleeping :'(

Start from last night, Ben is on trial to for independent sleep.

I WAS DEVASTATED.

Funny, since before last night, I was still wondering when he would get more independent. There are moments, I must admit with shame, when I got impatient with him being clingy to me, or even just being affectionate to me, like trying to kiss me like thousands time.

:'(

And now, that not-so-little baby of mine is bravely sleeping apart from his mother (husband sleeping with him for the first night). I can't help remembering the first time I had to stop nursing him, it was also painful. Then when we decided to sleep in separate bed, it was also a heartbreaking experience for me.

And yet this new step for us also brings the same awful feeling inside. I will deeply miss listening to him breathing, I will miss stooping by his bed just to watch him sleep, kiss his chubby cheek, or put some ointment on his scar, which he would refuse strongly by day. I know, I've been silly and impatient almost every time when he cried for bathroom in the middle of the night, and I started to repeat the question on my head: "When will he ever grow up and start doing things by himself?"

But this grumpy Momma did not anticipate the day when her baby boy suddenly step on a higher ladder with no warning. As much as I thought I want to ditch our habit of sleeping together, it turns out that it was me who feel most comfortable doing that.


Excuse me, I'm going to weep.

My sister is married now.

Well, yesterday was the precise date, 22 November 2014, when she was married to the love of her life. They have been through ups-and-downs, tears and laughters, so many things I believe that had made them grow even stronger in commitment.

It is pretty strange that she no longer lives in this house. I've been used to living with her like for ages. Though we didn't see each other very often, didn't really chat very deeply, yet I knew, she slept next to my room, and whenever I heard her voice, I knew she was home safely.

There are some things that I might found them annoying, as her habits of using like 2 or 3 glasses in a day, how she put her things anywhere, unfinished meals in fridge and sometimes they would be left decaying inside. Honestly, I was a bit relieved knowing I wouldn't encounter those things anymore.

But now she is truly gone, I felt a small thump in my core. Like a little hole there. My parents would go home too by this Friday, and soon I would be alone with my boy again during the daylights.

I'm happy for you, lil sis. I hope you have a very happy married life!!! But I already missed you :'(

let it go

I really need to stop the stalking. It won't help.
Why do I keep viewing her as a competitor? Maybe she doesn't even think I exist, unless there are few times we ought to gather as a circle.
Please, please, mind your own business!!! Let her be with all her foolishness. Maybe she doesn't see those as a foolishness. Let her be with her own pride. Whatever forms they are in. Be it her magnificent love for and from her hubby and darling son, be it her newest outfit or shoes or bags or ever so faithful loving friends, or her latest finding of great and expensive food. Be it!!!
Let her be with her own world.
You think she doesn't deserve them all, due to what she had done, especially what she had done to you in the past? It's none of your business.
Go on with your life. It is more important than stalking her to find her slightest laughable actions and share them with your pals.
Your life is more important that all of that. Don't live in the past. Don't observe, don't compare.
Just live your life as God has set it to be.
Be free.

errgh of the day

Hari ini libur. Diawali dengan pagi yang relatif menyenangkan. Bangun cukup siang, mbak dateng dan rumah bersih, nyiapin sarapan roti canai dari Olin, yang sebagian besar diembat Ben :p.
Setelah itu, kita main ke rumah Tessa, ngajarin soal clodi bentar, nyicip-nyicip keripik kentang yang wuenakk (Little Lala & Maedeh), juga es lobi-lobi yang asem-asem segar. Ben asyik main dengan Valez.
Kurang lebih 1,5 jam di rumah Tessa, kita ke rumah AMa. Di sana juga masih oke. Bisa tidur bentar, Ben juga sempat tidur bentar, nyuapin Ben dengan tanpa kendala berarti, Ben asyik main. Walopun sorenya dateng ratu pompong n the genkz, masih oke laahh. Malemnya, kita makan bareng di bubur MaBes yang ramenya kayak lagi bagi2 beras gratis.
Sempet raised my eyebrows a little ketika seorang tante tanpa malu berniat menyergap meja kita yang sebentar lagi kosong, tapi ya udahlah ya.
Nah, pas mo pulang nih, Ben yang dari tadi siang emang udah nyebut2 mau nginep di rumah AMa PLUS udah ngantuk pun berulah. Dia gak mau pulang. Maunya sama AMa, naik motor Yeye. Karena dia berontaknya makin kuat dan gw gak berani ambil risiko dia menggeliut terus jatuh dari motor, kita pun sepakat ntar aja jemput Ben di rumah AMa, ikut dulu gapapa. And then, si Yeye yang gak tau apa-apa karena parkir bentar di depan, ujug-ujug dateng dan bilang, "Sini sama Yeye." Gw pikir dia mo ambil Ben, bawa naik motor, eh ternyata mau dipaksa naik motor kita. Ben makin meronta-ronta, terus si Yeye dengan nada gusar gitu nyuruh gw bantuin ambil kakinya, terus gw udah bilang, dia gak mau. Masih maksa, gw pun angkat helm yang gw pegang, terus dy ngomong dengan suara kenceng, "Pantes ga bisa, ada helmnya! Gak mau usaha sih!"
DIH APAAN BANGET SIH LOE.
Sumpah, kesel bangetttt ini orang gak tau apa-apa tapi maen nyemprot aja. Untung si AMa langsung sigap ambil Ben dan bilang ketemu di rumah aja. Sepanjang perjalanan gw udah pengen nangis, saking keselnya. Jengkel banget sama orang begitu. Sampe di rumah AMa, gw pun langsung ambil Ben. Setelah sedikit drama dan bujuk rayu, Ben pun berhasil kita bawa pulang, meskipun masih sedikit berontak, tapi at least udah gak seliar tadi.
Sepanjang perjalanan pulang, gw masih panas tuh. Gw juga sengaja ga mau pamit, bodoh amat dah. Terus, gw ngebayangin kalo cerita ke Bee. Paling dia cuma "hm" dan paling banter suruh gw maklum aja :(
Sampe rumah gw udah mulai dingin, dan coba berpikir positif. Yah, maklumin aja karena dia gak tahu deal kita gimana tadi. Maklumin aja, anggep aja dia ky bapak-emak gw sendiri yang kadang suka gitu juga toh, tau2 ngoceh tanpa ngerti persoalannya gimana.

Terus, gw ngetwit soal kejadian si tante penyerobot tadi. Eh, ternyata ada yang ky ngebela si tante itu dong. Disuruh makluminlah itu kan orang Cina, emang mindset mereka gitu, mereka bukannya gak sopan tapi emang that's how they live. Ya maap deh, mungkin gw yang kurang travel ya, gak kayak situ. Tapi mo didebatin juga ngapain. Cuma gw jadi inget beberapa hari yang lalu temen gw ngetwit marah-marah, karena ada orang tua yang bawa balita nonton film X-Men ato apalah gitu, dan karena tuh anak mulai bosen di tengah film, akhirnya mulai nendang-nendangin bangku. Temen gw ini maki-maki si ortu di twitnya. Nah, kalo gw bilang ke dia, "Maklumin ajalah, namanya juga orang tua Indo, kan emang suka tulul," apa gak digaplok pake bangku XXI gw?

Kondisi sekarang udah mulai adem, tapi masih males ngeladenin orang itu yang udah berganti topik. Well yeah, maybe it's me who take things personally? :(

me & the ARTs

ART di sini adalah singkatan dari Asisten Rumah Tangga.

Dan entah kenapa, sepertinya saya kurang berjodoh baik dengan urusan seperti ini.

Sejak kecil, saya memang sudah akrab dengan kehadiran seorang ART di rumah. Mereka selalu ada untuk membantu Mama, mengurus kami yang bertiga anak-anak Mama, membersihkan rumah, dll. Mama selalu memperlakukan mereka dengan baik, gak pernah kasar, bahkan kami diajar untuk membantu pekerjaan mereka; kalo bisa sendiri ya lakuin sendiri.

Ketika pindah ke Jakarta, kami tiga bersaudara tinggal serumah. Tentu dengan kehadiran seorang ART. Ada yang harian, pernah pula yang tinggal di dalam. Hingga kurang lebih 3 tahun yang lalu, ART harian kami yang terpercaya, Mbak Tinah, terpaksa mundur karena lebih memilih berbakti sepenuhnya kepada adik iparnya yang sudah banyak membantu membiayai keluarganya. Sejak saat itu, selama 2 tahun, kami tidak menggunakan ART sama sekali. Waktu itu, yang tinggal di rumah cuma saya dan adik saya. Kami berusaha membagi tugas membersihkan rumah, semampu dan selowongnya kami :p

Tentu saja, rumah sudah pasti mulai berantakan dan kurang terawat, mengingat kami sama-sama bekerja hingga sore. Tiap kali Mama datang ke Jakarta pastilah beliau mengoceh tentang keadaan rumah. Kasihan juga Mama, pasti tidak bisa tinggal tenang melihat rumah. Beliau selalu menyapu-mengepel-mencuci kalau sedang di sini.

Dan akhirnya, ketika aku mulai hamil, memasuki bulan kedua atau ketiga, Mama memberi mandat untuk mencari ART lagi. Mbak Tinah pun dikerahkan untuk mencari ART yang baru, dan sekitar akhir Juni 2011, didapatlah seorang ART baru. And here the story goes…

no, i can't bless this time

I hate losing things. I hate losing in common. Especially losing things to some thieves. I strongly dislike it. It felt like you’re being mischieved, mistreated, and betrayed.

This morning I lost my precious helmets. Why precious, because we simply can’t go anywhere without them. And they were not cheap. Although we already had them for more than 2 years, I still felt pang in my heart when the fact hit my reality. They were gone. Gone like the wind. Gone in a peaceful morning. Gone in our own porch!!

So this morning we went to traditional market. I didn’t lock the gates, since it’s been days since our garbage man came, and of course I didn’t want he missed our place because it was locked. Around 30 minutes later, we went home. Didn’t realize a thing, except I frowned when I saw the lock was a little bit tilted, not in my usual position. But I dismissed the thought and start preparing meal for my husband. Later on, when he was ready to leave, bang! We didn’t see the helmets anywhere. My husband had to go on bus. And I was furious. I asked my neighbor, he said he didn’t see anyone. And actually I suspected him a bit.

I felt really annoyed and angry. I know, it was my own fault, didn’t lock the gates – though I had reason for it. But still, I had given evil some open doors. I hate it to the bones!

Well, in earlier years, I was taught to give thanks, no matter what, to bless, no matter what. Maybe the person who took it needed it more. I bought that teaching long time ago. But for now, sorry, I can’t bless. What they did is just wrong, evil. I still can give thanks, but I cannot bless the thief. I want him/her/them to be punished, to be cursed. I want to see with my own eyes, even.

Am I being ruthless? Perhaps. I just can’t bless right now. They were so mean, they didn’t think about others, they were selfish and vicious! People of the Lord not only can bless, right? We can curse as well. And today, let my rare curse go on to them. Amen.

love thy neighbour (????)

Warning:
This post is written under outrageous emotional state. Kthxbai.


So,
I don't know have I written here or not, but I HATE MY NEIGHBOURS. My literally neighbours. They are simply unbelieavable.
When we first moved here, we had this beautiful mango tree in front of our house. Inside the fence, of course.
They started to complain about the leaves. My maid back then that time was convinced that she swept the leaves every morning and afternoon. Then the mango fruit were coming. Some stuck out the fence. Guess what? Yes, they picked them up. When asked, they said calmly, "The branches stick out, it means, this tree belong to us together also."
ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR MIND???? VERY LIKELY SO!

My Body is My Wonderland

Silakan sebut saya sebagai orang yang gak bisa dikritik. Gak mau terima kelemahan sendiri. Gak bisa dikasih tau. Whatever.

Tapi saya kasih tau ya... Saya gak suka kalo orang-orang udah mulai ngomong gini nih: