never thought of it

But...

I kinda miss being pregnant again.

Looking great with that protruded tummy, being spoiled by people around, having me-time anytime I want, sleeping whenever I wish, doing what I want to do...

Oh but not that soon!

I can do this now!

Baby Ben 3 mos 1 week

85 Days

It's been 85 days since the morning I found that I was gonna deliver you. Rough and smooth, long and short, upset and happy, all mixed up in those days when I had to deal with a new living little creature trusted to me.
Can't believe that only one-month-and-so ago I always jerked everytime I breastfed you. The pangs of pain, the seemingly neverending demands of yours, they all were my giants. Thanks be to God, your father and me never let those giants beat us. We may not be perfect parents, but we're trying to do our best to be good parents to you.
You've developed so much, B. You now smile socially, you can see your hands and bring them to your mouth to deliciously lick them. Just few weeks ago, you couldn't control your hands, and everytime you brought them up, you would hit your head with your own hands. Now that was a delightful scene to savor :D
Your cheeks are lot chubbier now, tho your little bum is still pretty inflated.
Amazingly, you shape your own pattern, you usually really wake up at 7 am, take a bath, breastfeed then sleep til around 9.30. And now you sleep earlier at night! Phew it is such a relief!
Anyhoo, B, I know our journey lies far far ahead, still so many things to learn, many unknown stuff await to be unrevealed. Such excitement! Such fear! Such joy! Yes, most of all is joy, because bringing you to this crazy world is our responsibility, our choice, and when God chose us to parent you, boy, B, it is such a great joy and honor to receive you.

I knew I loved you before I met you

When I heard the song, I thought it was silly and too much. How can you love someone you haven't even met?
Until I got you in my arms, the lyrics became make sense for me. I never met you before, I didn't even know how you'd look like, but the moment I held you, I knew I loved you before I met you.

Welcome, Benedict!

Fiuh! Akhirnya setelah 2 bulan, baru sempet update lagi :D

So… let’s go back to January 4, 2012….

Hari itu, 40 minggu lewat 1 hari sudah Ben di perut. Kemarin waktu CTG (cardiotocography) alias pemeriksaan detak jantung bayi, terdapat indikasi Ben mulai kekurangan oksigen, karena beberapa kali terjadi baby silent. Kondisi ini ditandai dengan lemahnya – bahkan sempat hilang – detak jantung bayi yang terekam.

Di pagi hari Rabu itu, sekitar pukul 6 pagi, saya bangun dan ke WC untuk buang air kecil. Waktu itulah baru terlihat saya sudah mengeluarkan sedikit darah. Langsung turun bangunin Mama, yang sepertinya sudah mengantisipasi, lalu saya SMS Dokter Radit. Dokter menyuruh saya langsung ke RS Grha Kedoya untuk ketemu beliau sekitar pukul 9. Saat itu, mulesnya belum berasa.